Submit the worst possible caption for this week's New Yorker cartoon.

For last week's winner go here.

NOTE:Even in the face of persistent ridicule and chronic laziness, I have been uploading (and judging) the Caption Cartoon for several months. I have done this without serious incident.or meaningful reward. Now, it seems, there's some technical glitch. Let's not panic. I do not know who is at fault (although it's certainly not me!) but here's the deal: When I went to the site that enables me to upload the Anti-Cap Contest, I got this snotty little message: "Access denied for user." As you might imagine, I'm like, "Excuse me?" This SNAFU comes on the heels of complaints that last week's contest stopped accepting entries after 115.. At first, I gave it no mind, but now it's taken a serious turn as I am unable to post this week's cartoon .So, until we get this figured out I am putting the latest cartoon on my blog. Use the comments section to post your captions, I have not yet selected last week's winner, I went to a BBQ and there was a fireworks display in the park near our house so I'll have to get back to you.. (Happy Birthday America!!) -alinla

12:15 AM :: Comments (112)

Submit the worst possible caption for this week's New Yorker cartoon.

WINNER (Tie)
Wipe that damn smirk off your face. The voluminous ejaculate from your improbably large penis to which I'm clinging for dear life is contaminating a perfectly good cup of coffee. -- Eric G

WINNER (Tie)
The fear was that they stood to lose their lives to the storm. The irony was that it would be the gastric acids of an 8-year old that would take them screaming to their deaths in a sea of bile. -- Glenn

SECOND PLACE
The Franklin Mint proudly offers this priceless teacup commemorating of the near drowning of Simon LeBon for three low payments of 17.99 + S&H. -- boneguy .

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Gesundheit.-- Deja vu

For additional Honorable Mentions and a Judge's Comment for each winner go here.

2:45 AM :: Comments (105)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

WINNER
"I think now she's right about here. Sorry about bringing him in on 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day'."-- LV

SECOND PLACE
"Don't be naive, Barbara."--Mike Mariano

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"He ate the dog that ate my winning lottery ticket."--dwilk

For additional Honorable Mentions and a Judge's Comment for each winner, go here.

5:29 AM :: Comments (191)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

WINNER
Seems like lately the terrorists are just phoning it in.-- JohnnyB

SECOND PLACE
"Fucking Talibanmarketers."-- Wile E. Chipotle

HONORABLE MENTION
See? Phone blows up, dry sheets on my side. You see a spider, and we have to get a new mattress." --Damon

For additional Honorable Mentions and a judge's comment for each winner go here.

3:40 AM :: Comments (171)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.


For last week's winners go here

WINNER
Short and pale and old and balding, the guy from KPMG goes walking And when he passes, each one he passes goes -- ugh.--Tim H

SECOND PLACE
"It's right behind you."-- Rob

THIRD PLACE
"I'm sorry sir, this beach is closed to people visibly haunted by their absurd and ultimately meaningless choices."-- Jared S

HONORABLE MENTION
."Shut up, Bob, everyone knows your surfboard's a foamie."-- Hung Ten

For additional Honorable Mentions and a Judge's Comment for each winner go here.

4:08 AM :: Comments (134)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

WINNER
"Let him drown first. They're best eaten cold."-- dwilk

SECOND PLACE
Oooo . . . gross . . . If I had known you were going to spit out the head, I wouldn't have offered him to you."-- blw

THIRD PLACE
"No, Mr. Tiny-ear-hole, I absolutely did not say 'that's my chum in the water'."-- Anonymous

For Honorable Mentions and Judge's Comment on all the winners go here.

1:15 AM :: Comments (134)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

WINNER (TIE)
In his dotage, the Yankee Clipper found solace in his garden, while an artist's approximation of his beloved Marilyn at 75 gazed down. --Mr. Silly

WINNER (TIE)
"Oh, honey, art's imitating life; a Nuthatch and a Red-cockaded Woodpecker have found their way into your asshole again." --Anonymous

SECOND PLACE
"Gives "gardening tool" a whole new meaning. --PG man

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"A muse; yourself, Dear." -- Tits up Word Play by Spowie

For additional honorable mentions and a Judge's Comment for each winner go here.

2:10 AM :: Comments (157)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

WINNER
I doubted your insanity defense, but I can clearly see your nuts.--wizalt

SECOND PLACE
"When you say you're 'in really hot water right now,' do you mean it in the I'm-guilty-of-murdering-my-wife sense?"-- t.a.m.s.y.

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Ok, Captain Pike, I've some questions about these shorts that we found on Talos IV... Please bulge you right eye for "yes"and your left eye for "no". Understand? Is that a maybe?"-- cta

For additional Honorale Mentions and Judge's Comments go here.

4:19 AM :: Comments (144)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

WINNER
Ancester of W clowns around while ancestors of Cheney and Rumsfeld plot pre-emptive strike on neighbor they believe has discovered fire too. --Jim Cavanaugh .

SECOND PLACE
Zorg stared and contemplated: Had it been such a wise idea to leave the hunter-gatherers to live with the sitter-jugglers? So hungry... Anonymous.

THIRD PLACE
What is this, Amateur Era?--Mr. Silly

For Honorable Mentions and Judge's Comments on all the winners go here.

3:51 AM :: Comments (193)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

WINNER
"I got so constipated it collapsed into a singularity and created a space/time anal fissure. Now every time I fart another temporal reflection of me pops out. The consensus on the Star Trek chat room is that I need a dekyon colonic." --Six of Nine

SECOND PLACE
How can he be so effervescent when the housing bubble's just burst? -- JohnnyB

HONORALE MENTIONS
"Look, this is obviously one of their more mediocre efforts. So, I suggest that we just calm down, submit our usual adequate captions, and get on with our lives. OK?" -- Kathy H .

I see you've pulled another idea for a cartoon out of your ass.-- D. Remnick

For additional Honorale Mentions and Judge's Comments go here.

2:08 AM :: Comments (165)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

WINNER
"Get out of my chair." -- Maya Walker (my 4-year-old daughter)

HONORABLE MENTION
"You can't stay here."--Deborah

For additional Honorable Mentions, Comments and an important note from the Anti-Cap Judge go here..

6:42 PM :: Comments (160)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

WINNER

[In Polish]: "Sir, your new cabinet."-- reid savid

SECOND PLACE
"...Again, the numbers for today's Mid-Day 5-Digit Lotto are 1-2-3-4-5." -- Kathy H

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"OK, number 4. It's your turn to put on the tutu." --Richard H

For additional Honorable Mentions and Judge's Comments go here.

10:02 PM :: Comments (139)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

Rules & Tips

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

Rules & Tips

WINNER (THREE-WAY TIE)

"Did someone in here order a jug band to play a plaintive, Depression-era folk tune about downward class mobility?" --Trout Almondine

"You think you've got it bad? We're just the latest in a long line of redneck caricatures created for the sole purpose of making New Yorker readers feel culturally superior."-- clannish

"My name's Brigham Young and these are my wives. We've come to complain about the rapid and deep decline in prophets. And your spelling."-- TG Gibbon

For 2nd, 3rd & 4th place as well as all the many Honorable Mentions and a comment for each one go here.

2:45 AM :: Comments (121)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

•Last week's results. •Rules and tips.

3:48 AM :: Comments (116)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

Rules & Tips

For a whole bunch more honorable mentions, a judge's comment for each one AND an explaination on why it's a tie go here.

WINNERS

FIRST PALCE (Tie)
The American People are telling me that they want him bankrupted and inadequately cared for--Walt
First PLACE (Tie)
"He keeps muttering, 'Foregive them father for they don't know what the fuck they're doing.'"--:Rob

HONORABLE MENTIONS
"Look, Em, I don't know what was in the time portal or those slippers, but that thing is part Cairn Terrier and part alcoholic girl from Kansas."--: Zeke

"His vitals are good and once a day we give him spare change."--: Rob

5:23 AM :: Comments (197)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

•Last week's results. •Rules and tips.

First Place:
"OK, I brought you to Rome. Now blow me." -- Anonymous

Second Place:
"Wait a minute, the Coliseum is in a densely populated area with many buildings surrounding it, this doesn't make any sense." -- Dave W

Third Place:
"Oh good, we're at VIVIIIIXXXI Street. It's the next left." -- Rose Fox

Honorable Mention:
"Really? This is the shit they're giving us to work with this week?" -- Stephan Cox

"Because VII VIII IX! Ha ha ha ha!" -- Glenn

"What did I tell you? Isn't that tree spectacular?" -- Richard H

"I can't stop! There's no zero!" -- glimester

The "Sucking Up to the Judge" Award (actually some competition this week):
"The powers here were Byzantine." -- CRC

2:09 AM :: Comments (137)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

Rules & Tips

WINNER
"At least 5 of us are going to need you to provide us with your best oral presentation skills, if you know what I mean." -- Glenn
SECOND PLACE
"You're here early." -- Francis
HONORABLE MENTION
"For a second there I thought I'd walked in on the proceedings of the SEC." -- Lugar

For more Honorable Mentions and a Judge's Comment for each, visit al in la's blog

1:48 AM :: Comments (154)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon.

•Last week's results. •Rules and tips.

First Place:
"I guess you're wondering why I called you all here today." -- Alan Weld

Second Place:
"Lordy, but I'm proud'a today's haul. Bagged and stuffed myself a squirrel, a coon, a porcupine, 'n' a cowboy. Gurgle." -- Daniel

Third Place:
"I'm cornered." -- mypalmike

Honorable Mention:

"Which one of you shit behind my desk?" -- Austin D

"Gol-durng it, somehow I gots to get all four of you into town, and I can't leave the porcupine alone with the baby, the raccoon alone with the porcupine, or the squirrel alone with the raccoon." -- Trout Almondine

"Which of you rootin' tootin' cowpokes has been stealing the post-it notes?" -- TG GIbbon

Yay references!:

"On the telegraph, nobody knows you're a squirrel, raccoon, porcupine or baby." -- Richard H

"The raccoons here are obese." -- jf

4:01 AM :: Comments (195)

Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. (Limit 25 words per cap, five caps per person.)

Rules & Tips

WINNER
Caption: Can you ask the CFO to come in here with a mop, please?
Anti-Caption: "Ms. Wagner, I seem to have a nasty stomach bug....I just soiled my chair and the floor through my overalls. Can you ask the CFO to come in here with a mop, please?"-- m ham rant

HONORABLE MENTION
No Mr. Bond, I expect him to try. The bastard is standing there like a statue.--CRC

SUPER BOWL BONUS: al in la has left a comment for every Anti-Caption submitted last week. Click here to see for yourself!

11:08 AM :: Comments (122)