Could Magic Shuffle — the oracle that answers questions using iTunes shuffle feature — write for The New York Times? Here's how it the paper's new freelancer ethics questionnaire.

Please list your other current employers, whether full time or part time
The Whiskey Makes You Sweeter – Amy Allison. Thanks for your submission, Mr. Dunleavy. We'll be in touch.

For what other employers have you worked in the last three years?
Days Go By – Dirty Vegas. Would that be Mitsubishi or Deutsch Inc?

What sort of volunteer work do you do regularly, if any, and for whom? (Please include any public relations, advocacy or advisory board involvement.)
Imagination – Frank Sinatra. Call it what you want, blogging doesn't count.

Do you do any work paid or unpaid in politics or government? Have you done any lobbying of governmental bodies?
We’re All Gonna Die Someday – Kasey Chambers. Homeland Security?

Do you have any financial investments or financial ties that may limit your ability to cover specific topics free of conflict, and if so, what are the topics?
Are We The Waiting? – Green Day. I'm asking ask the questions here.

Although we don't regulate the activities of spouses, partners or immediate family members of our contributors, do any of their professional or personal involvements or any of their financial investments or ties make certain topics inappropriate for you, and if so, what are the topics?
I’m A Believer – The Monkees. Fortunately, the Times rarely covers religion.

Have you accepted any free trips, junkets or press trips in the last two years? Have you accepted any substantial free merchandise or discounts from people we might cover?
Get Happy – Benny Goodman. Thanks for your submission, Mr. Wilson. We'll be in touch.

Has anything you've written later resulted in a published editor's note or retraction for deliberate falsehood or plagiarism or become the subject of a lawsuit involving allegations of deliberate falsehood? (If yes,please include details about the publication and your role in the article or story. If a lawsuit, please describe the disposition of the case.)
I Wish I Was the Moon – Neko Case. No, we said falsehood or plagiarism, not poetic obscurantism.

[More Magic Shuffle. Also, Krukoff uses Magic Shuffle to interview Frank Portman, lead singer of the awesome Mr. T Experience and newly-minted YA author.]

10:15 AM :: Comments (0)

Three months ago, Wendell Jamieson wrote a charming little article for The New York Times in which he got experts to answer his six-year-old son's goofy six-year-old questions. As I am a cyncial bastard who is impervious to charm, of course, my immediate response was, "someone's getting a book deal."

Sure enough, the deal was announced just over a month later, and cynical (evious?) ol' me grumbled, "His kid comes up with the questions, other people come up with the answers, what's Jamieson's job, cashing the check?" Now it gets even better: Li'l Dean Jamieson is apparently shirking his duties, so pop is asking for questions from other kids. (Frighteningly, he's also put the word out on the Park Slope Parent's listserv.)

But you know, there's an even easier way to write this book. Just use Magic Shuffle, the viral meme quiz (kisses, Lindsay) that uses iTunes shuffle to tackle life's biggest questions. Here's how the oracle answered Dean Jamieson's initial batch of questions.

Continue reading "Magic Shuffle vs. Wendell Jamieson" »

8:19 AM :: Comments (1)

Yesterday I played a round of Magic Shuffle, the oracle that uses your MP3 player's suffle feature to tell your fortune. It was fun and all, but the questions ("What do my friends really think of me?") were just a little too MySpacey.

Also yesterday, as it happened, my friend Susan sent me a link Noam Chomsky's Washington Post Web chat, in which Chomsky fields some hardball questions from readers who make the people that show up at Bush town meetings sound like Woodward and Bernstein. Which got me wondering: how would Magic Shuffle answer those same questions? More succinctly, at any rate.

Why do you think the US went to war against Iraq?
Chicken Soup With Rice — Carole King. Code for "oil" if I ever heard it. Note to self: delete kids' songs from the iPod (except Pierre — that's a pop masterpiece).

Noam - I heard you talking about international law on alternative radio and (I think) expounding the idea that the Bush administration's flavor of premtive war is illegal. I agree that the Bush administration's actions are illegal. Would you comment on how much we should submit to international law in that area?
Lookin' for a Love — The Valentinos. Translation: A lot, because we want foreigners to like us.

Continue reading "Magic Shuffle vs. Noam Chomsky" »

4:30 PM :: Comments (0)

Forgive me if this meme is played out, but having done my share of casting the I Ching in college (and Magic 8 Ball before that, though I draw the line at chicken entrails) I couldn't resist the Magic Shuffle, wherein the shuffle function of your MP3 player provides answers to pre-selected faux-deep questions.

How does the world see you?
I'm Beginning to See the Light — Bobby Darin. Better late than never, I guess.

Will I have a happy life?
Don't Explain — BIllie Holliday. I guess that's, "No, but I'm OK with it." Maybe there's something to this oracle thing.

What do my friends really think of me?
So Beats My Heart for You — Tony Bennet. Wow. I would have settled for I Get a Kick Out of You.

Do people secretly lust after me?
The New Pollution — Beck. Sorry, girls, I'm married.

How can I make myself happy?
Can’t Go Back — The Descendents. OK, that's a little eerie. And kind of depressing.

What should I do with my life?
It's All Right/Sentimental Reasons — Sam Cooke. Appreciate wife more. Check.

Will I ever have children?
D'evils — Jay-Z. Oh, so Magic Shuffle has met Milo and Margalit already. Still I'm not sure manaically jumping on the couch necessarily means they're going to grow up to be crack dealers.

What is some good advice for me?
Don't Cry on My Shoulder —Sam Cooke. It's a cold world when your own oracle gives you the brush off. And another Sam Cooke song? That little randomizing problem doesn't seem to be going away.

How will I be remembered?
Bull Rider — Johnny Cash. Sure, but after Brokeback, this could mean anything.

What is my signature dancing song?
Tell it Like it Is — Aaron Neville. Hmm. Never thought of myself as the slow dancing type. Or the fast dancing type, for that matter. Who came up with these questions anyway?

What do I think my current theme song is?
Blue Motel Room — Joni Mitchell. Well, I am doing a lot of travelling these days, and I do miss Gina when I'm away. But somehow I don't think she has any pretty girls hanging on her boom-boom-pachyderm while I'm gone. I don't think.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Just Like A Woman — Bob Dylan. Guess that answers the Bull Rider question.

What song will play at my funeral?
Brown Eyed Girl — Van Morrison. Apparently I'm going to be buried in a Starbucks. Anyway, I thought we discussed this already.

What type of women do you like?
Everybody’s Smoking Cheeba — The Donnas. Underage stoner punks? I'm taking the fifth.

What is my day going to be like?
You Wanna Get Me High — The Donnas. It's just possible that my oracle, in addition to having a malfunctioning shuffle feature, is pushing an agenda of its own.

So, have I interpreted correctly? Have you tried this too? Let me hear it.

[ 5:20 PM :: Comments (8)